Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts

Monday, December 26, 2011

I Too Had A Dream

First 20 years are undoubtedly the most important part of life. You are full of ideas, you want to do things, you want to learn and a lot of crazy thoughts you want to experiment with. 4 years in college make the best part of it. You are literally free there, to experiment with what you learn and learn what you want to. Things work out, good! If they don’t, well it doesn’t hurt much.

By the time you are in 4rd year you realize there is still so much left to do and time has passed by real fast! You try hard but planning things becomes out of control. There is a B.Tech project, there are placements, there is CAT, there are further studies option to ponder about, there are massive expectations mounting from everywhere. And then there in one corner is the idea you are crazy about. You think may be its time to let it be at ease for a while till you deal with other things. Placements start! You are not shortlisted in Day 1 and Day 2. You tell your Dad, he is not disappointed but surprised why you didn’t make it? First interview, you don’t go through. Second interview, you don’t get to the final round. People around you are getting placed and that leaves you worried. Pressure starts to crack you down and just when you start to think that it is all luck, in the very next days you are placed!

You went through so much in this time! There were so many things to manage and so little time for everything. Exhausted you take a break. Everyone back home congratulates you for the job while on the back of your mind you know you don’t want to do it. Then a certain uncle tells you about how you would do brighter things in future and may be work for the biggest companies in the world very soon. People ask you when you are going to settle abroad. You don’t know the answers yourself but you put on a smile.

So much pours down upon you in literally a span of 3 months that you start doubting your dream. You cannot put the same faith in your idea anymore. But you don’t give up. One day you go and talk to your dad and tell him about your crazy idea- to be on your own and work for your crazy dreams. And he does not deny you from doing anything but just advise you to take the job for a while and gain some experience. And six months later, there you are- in the corporate food chain, fighting to etch a name of your own.

You never realized how fast time moved after that. You earned good, you partied a lot, you made new friends and suddenly life was not all that bad. Until one day, you return from a hectic day in office and started thinking about the years that have passed by since college. You switched companies and increased you pay packet. You own a car and you have travelled abroad. You earn some respect in your work. But there is something you have missed. You don’t know what it is but somewhere you feel it.

You take a break again. You look around to figure out how much world has changed. Only then you realize that you are 28 years old now! You meet up friends and find out that some person you knew in college is making it big. He owns a company and works on his crazy ideas. All your friends talk about him. You go back in time and revisit your idea. You too had a dream. You can’t sleep next few nights. You go to your father and discuss about the idea again. He doesn’t deny anything but asks you to think and plan everything before taking any step. Your mother asks you to get married. You ignore it.

You return to office thinking that you will work upon the idea but a great project comes and demands you. You know you can do it and give it all it needs. It takes a year to complete it. Your work is appreciated and everybody applauses you and holds you high. Years pass and you get married too. You have a kid as well.

Finally one day you decide that you have done enough and you deserve to give a shot at something new. Nobody stops you but everyone advises you to think carefully and wishes you luck. You work upon your idea. It seems difficult but you know well how to get things done. You work like mad in the coming months. You give it all. And in the end; it fails.

You sit back and think what went wrong. You revisit the very first time you had a crazy idea that you wanted to work upon. You turn your head around and see your kid calling you. And then you realize; it is the 20 years that have passed by.

Link to the article on iitstories.com


Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Identity

Long ago my brother asked me a simple question, "Who are you?"
I said, "I am Abhay Shukla."
"Yeah, but...who are you?"
"I am the son of M.P. Shukla"
"I am not asking who you are son of or who your father is. Am asking, who are you?"
"I am the resident of the country India. i live in rewa, m.p., and my name is abhay shukla"
"But that is not the answer to the question i have asked"
I got confused, "Am a human being!"
"Everyone's a human being, so how does that describe you?"

I realized that this question is much much deeper than what i could have thought then as a ninth grade student.

I gave probably a hundred more replies but every time i was answering back, i was growing more sure that this is not what the answer is supposed to be. And every other reply was like an introspection; finding out something that could distinguish you from every other entity around you. Finding out that very element and essence which makes you unique.

I realised that an identity has to be something which is there even when all the connections have lost, something which is glowing when you are put in a swarm of billion strangers, something which could not be erased in time.

Seven years have passed since but still am puzzled by the profundity of the question. It still gets me teetering and shaky. Although i believe that now i know myself a lot better than i ever did but when it comes to self realization and self identification i am still on the wander road...sometimes it feels am a stranger to myself!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Self-Discovery

Sometimes life goes stagnant like the car stuck in the jam of busy Monday evening. You can’t move forward, you can’t move backwards but just be there and wait for the signal to go green for you. While many of us see the signal and move, there are others who find themselves in long queues and before they could move it goes red again, and then there are others who can’t even notice the signal.

Eventually everyone gets stuck at some point of time, somewhere in dimensions of life they choose for themselves. For few of us this would mean exploring a new route where we could find the vastness of an alternative world we were not familiar with, for many of us it would mean struggling as far and as long as we can, and for most of us it would mean the ultimate failure of self and a devastating experience rendering us to bitterness of life. But what we forget and fail to understand is that the car is stuck not because of us but the consequences of this stagnation are all because of us. We may choose to reach the inherent inbuilt in us and explore the capabilities, we may choose to struggle through the time or we might just ignore everything and let things happen. But the one who is ready to risk with the will and courage to see dreams and has the guts to do it eventually leads oneself to a far better reason. And it’s not about giving up everything and heading to Himalayas wishing to find some meaning there, it’s not about the ranks that system associates with us that we start believing to be as true as our identity, it’s not about being alone on the path we see and it’s not about fear, it’s about a free choice of what we want to be; just a choice.

If you think of a happy meaningful life, it always comes down to very simple things. The experiences that are otherwise ordinary will astonish you with their elegance. Adventure and bliss is not only in the bosom of nature but it’s also in the depth of our thoughts and the way we perceive what we observe. No human mind is ordinary in the sense we think of ordinary. It’s an irony that we can not see through ourselves what we truly are. Borrowing eyes is not the best thing to do when you want to know something that is connected with you. And when you start to see it from your eyes, it’s all simple and apparently clear. As soon as you get into this path of free thought and independence from influences that affect your mind, you will know what gets you out of the jam; you will make a sudden change and embark your own journey!

Life lies in the grassroots of reality and understanding this reality makes us a better person everyday. The more you dig the more you know ‘the who’ you are and easier it becomes to be ‘the who’ you are. And once you have reached the landscape where nothing is fake or affected by them and those, you see yourself naked as you are born, as you are and as you want to be. A pure self image gives you the ultimate freedom and power to make choices for your life. This is the freedom and power everyone yearns for all their lives but without diving into their pools, it can never come. And this is the freedom and the power to reason that makes every stagnation a new turn in this wonderful journey that is you!